And madness ensued...

Good evening,

I have no topic to discuss tonight. No angry subject got me in a tizzy, no crazy sporting event got me all riled up. Just me, ready to rant with nothing to talk about. I've already left two messages on friends' phones. Both were long, both made little sense. And this, in all probability, will make less. I honestly have no topic of interest. The Democratic and Republican campaigns are basically news-less these days. Nothing interesting there until Ohio and Texas on March 4th. The NFL season is over, but I still can't believe the Giants are champs. Can you believe it T-Y and K? The NBA had its All-Star weekend, and no fireworks there. Unless you count Dwight Howard's fake dunk. I'm sorry, but it just wasn't a dunk. Yes, the Superman suit was funny. Yes, he got high up in the air. And yes, what he did was relatively impressive. Still, not a dunk. In order to dunk the ball you have to be able to touch the rim. In this case, he was not able to touch the rim. Back when me and my friends used to play basketball every day, we'd try to take off from far distances and dunk the ball and many times we'd end up doing something looking just like what Howard did. Wait, did I mention this was on an 8 foot rim? But if you figure that Howard is 7 feet tall and has a huge wingspan and you translate his height versus mine and his ten foot rim versus my eight foot rim and it's gotta be a similar situation. I could get my hand well above that 8 foot rim and would inevitably end up throwing the ball at the rim at the very last second, just like Howard did, and try to sell it to my friends as a dunk, just like Howard tried to sell it to the crowd. I'm sorry, my friends would not have fallen for that. I still can't believe all five judges did.

What next? Okay, how about movies? Everyone should see Gone, Baby Gone. Great movie. And am I the only person in America that was just annoyed at little Juno for that whole movie? Seriously, I just didn't like her. I hope she loses, big time. That's all for movies.

And now, a word about frogs. I'm not a big fan of frogs or anything, but I have nothing against them. I don't think they're gross, but I don't want one for a pet either. I didn't like when the sky rained with them in the movie Magnolia. I did, however, really enjoy a picture I saw of the craziest looking frog. True, anything that lived millions of years ago usually looks pretty insane compared to its contemporary counterpart, but this is a bit much, don't you think?

Now that's a "normal" frog there in the foreground, and that big fat beast in the background is its ancestor! They say it was the size of a bowling ball!!! Imagine walking through the forest and running into that thing? Then imagine it standing like eight feet away from you and having it lash its tongue in your direction, coming up just a few inches short. Now imagine, after his tongue is firmly back in place, him looking you right in the eye and saying, "C'mon, baby..." in a deep Southern voice. I bet you'd run faster than a guy with his dick on fire headed towards a waterfall. Great picture though, isn't it?

The quick vote on CNN.com tonight reads: "Britney Spears' parents in control: Is she on the road to recovery?" Seems newsworthy. What's your vote? You can punch it in while I take a moment to induce vomiting. Ahh, that's better.

In other news on CNN, Cher has committed to 200 live shows next year in Las Vegas. My God. She's 61. She will have 18 dancers on stage with her. She's going to have a new studio album coming out. And she looks like a CGI character from the movie Beowulf. If you're wondering why she's back....well, I'll let her tell you: "It's like an artist, it's like, when was it time for Picasso to stop painting? He had enough paintings, I'm sure, at a certain age. Why didn't he just stop? I guess because he really liked it, and it was some part of his life. You don't want to give up some part of your life that's that important." Cher and Picasso, two peas in a pod.

Okay, I'm really stretching here if I'm talking about Cher, so I'm gonna sign off before losing any more respect for myself. Truth be told, I just really wanted an excuse to post a picture of that crazy dino-frog. That's just nuts.