So, it's Friday night. And I'm home. Not the most exciting life. Figured I'd curl up on the couch, watch Spider-Man 3 and call it a night. I have to go into work tomorrow, so I thought I'd just chill out and get a little rest. But no such luck. At approximately 10pm, about 2/3 of the way through the worst Spidey yet, I started hearing this noise that sounded like a lawnmower. I didn't think anything of it at first, probably because the guy across the street mows his lawn virtually every day. So I'm used to the noise. But then I realized it's 10:00. And then I realized the noise was getting louder and louder. And then I saw the light. I rushed towards my living room window and split open the blinds to see: a helicopter. Actually, the lowest flying helicopter I've ever seen. And it had its spotlight shining down on the top of my street. Naturally I had to run outside to get a better look.
I stood on my porch, gawking, and realized this might be a fun time to get some video. So I went back inside and grabbed my cell phone. I brought it outside and stood on the top step, recording. But there's no zoom on my phone when shooting video, so it was only a tiny spot of light on an otherwise black screen. Realizing my failure, I started to walk back inside to put my phone down and I could have sworn there was a light on me at the last moment before I rounded the corner into my kitchen. I put the phone back down and went back out to see if I was crazy. The light didn't seem to be looking at me any more, if it ever was, but then I saw a different, slow moving light coming up my street. As the State cruiser reached the bottom of my driveway I heard a phantom voice yell, "Get inside! Get in the house and lock the doors!!!" At first I kind of pulled my neck back, like huh? Then it registered and I waved at the cop and went inside. I locked my door. And I thought......aaaaahhhhhh Middletown. I put Spider-Man back on and started watching again. About ten minutes later I got up to get a glass of water and what do I see? Oh about half a dozen cops in my back yard with flashlights and dogs. This was getting interesting. So I called the Middletown PD.
-Middletown Dispatch: "Middletown Police Department, dispatch."
-Me: "Yeah, how ya doin. I live on Hillside Ave and there's a chopper hovering over my house. Has been for about half an hour now."
-Middletown Dispatch: "Yup. There's a guy on the loose. Stay inside and keep your doors locked. Don't leave!"
-Me: Uh. Okay. Thanks?
-Middletown Dispatch: Right.
So, having done what he said, I figure what the hell. Guess that's all I'm getting. So I lay back down on the couch, more Spidey. About 40 more minutes go by and I'm watching what I'm pretty sure (i.e. desperately hoping) is the final fight scene between the ridiculous Sand guy and Foreman from That 70s Show versus the two loser heroes, when the chopper noise, which never totally left, starts getting louder and louder and louder. So loud, the fork on my table starts to dance and the windows begin to rattle. Visions of Baghdad start running through my head. Or at least visions of scenes from movies that had Baghdad and choppers in them. And then, from directly outside my front window comes the brightest light you'll ever see, shining down perfectly through the slightly slanted blinds, right on me. Literally, right at ME. Laying on the couch, under a blanket, with a big shocked/shitty grin on my face. I slowly pull my hands out from under the covers, because I don't want the sniper I imagine to be targeting my forehead to get the wrong idea and think I've got a semi-automatic hidden under my brown fleece blanket. I slowly move my hands across my chest and intertwine my fingers. The chopper sits, stares, sees what it wants to see, and slowly, methodically, glides away.
It's now 11:37pm. I still haven't finished watching that dumb movie. They still haven't caught their fugitive. The lights and the chopper and the neverending stream of cops still linger on my street. I'm sitting in front of my computer in gleeful disbelief. And all I can think to write is: just another night in the ghetto.
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3 comments:
ah! scary...what happened??
Uhhhh....did I really live & walk around by myself in the dark there??? You should have joined me downtownthat night, but I hear Saturday night was a scary night in M'town, too! There's no escaping it!
did you wonder where Spiderman was in this situation? Seriously, SWAT teams have no sense of humor, and crack really robs one of their criminal creativity (so no costumes or nefarious devices for the bad guys either!). Ahhh, it reminds me of the time a month and a half a go when I pull up in my driveway and 5-0 is carrying an m-16 up while walking up a quaint, tree lined street.
"ummm, do you need any help"
"not any more"
"ohhh kay"
Turns out our neighbor down the street took his right to bare arms very seriously, because he had 300 weapons including grenade launchers and full on automatic rifles. Did he not watch Bowling for Columbine? If he did, he probably wasn't to impressed with Moore's Heston haranguing. The weird ting is it was all guns - no whips, crossbows, battle axes, guillotines, light sabers - just guns. See what I mean? No creativity.
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